1
00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,160
Okay, this is a good one. Would you
rather be your current height or three

2
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:05,300
tall, but you can dunk?

3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,840
You know I want to get outside.

4
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:08,560
There's a car crash out there. What?

5
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:14,200
What is going on?

6
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,640
Oh,

7
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:23,460
every bone in my body is broken and my
lungs have popped.

8
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:28,040
Why, oh, why was I texting my chopped
unk once?

9
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:30,500
Driving under the influence.

10
00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:34,440
Oh, oh, no, no, oh, snap.

11
00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:44,660
Good morning, Abbott Elementary. We're
here for the Philadelphia Fire

12
00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:48,120
Department. Friends against drug
exposure and the story samurai.

13
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,140
And we're here to teach you about fire
safety.

14
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:55,580
Rap about the dangers of drugs and
improvise about texting and driving. But

15
00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:57,380
safety is not a laughing matter.

16
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,020
Or is it?

17
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,279
It is not.

18
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,780
Because it's a dancing matter.

19
00:01:05,019 --> 00:01:06,440
What the hell is going on?

20
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,260
The district combined all the safety
presentations for the year into one day

21
00:01:10,260 --> 00:01:11,158
save money.

22
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,160
Okay, guys, very good.

23
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,300
Moving inside, guys. Come on.

24
00:01:31,470 --> 00:01:32,470
All right, so check it.

25
00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:36,190
We're going to be going classroom to
classroom, and at the end of the day,

26
00:01:36,190 --> 00:01:38,810
all meet back up here and recap what we
learned about safety.

27
00:01:39,090 --> 00:01:42,710
And now, Abbott, you are no strangers to
having firemen around here.

28
00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:46,950
So nice to see Captain Robinson,
especially when it's not my fault.

29
00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:49,650
I just can't believe he's this awake.

30
00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:51,730
We were up till 4 in the morning.

31
00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:57,070
I have my own sleep issues to deal with,
thank you.

32
00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:01,460
I've been taking this new miracle pill
named melatonin, and while it has been

33
00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:06,780
helping me sleep, it has been giving me
the most vivid dreams that I cannot make

34
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:07,780
sense of.

35
00:02:08,259 --> 00:02:10,199
I think I'm trying to tell me something.

36
00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:15,160
Principal Coleman will choose a teacher
to expire in a texting and driving

37
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,880
accident. They cannot talk for the rest
of the day, not even to other adults.

38
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,740
There is no other way to teach you this
lesson.

39
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,240
I feel like there is.

40
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,880
This feels dark for an elementary
school.

41
00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:30,120
It absolutely is, but unfortunately,
because of budget cuts, all elementary,

42
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,140
middle, and high schools now get the
same presentation.

43
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,760
So, Ms. Coleman, what teacher do you
choose to stalk these halls, bumming

44
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:38,760
everyone out?

45
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,680
So one of y 'all got to pretend to be
Mr. C all day?

46
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,520
You know, you can choose another teacher
to make fun of sometimes.

47
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,400
Well, I hope you're okay with those
being your last words, because you're

48
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:51,800
I choose Gregory.

49
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,120
I didn't do anything. No talking!

50
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:54,630
You did.

51
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:55,710
Huh?

52
00:02:57,170 --> 00:03:04,170
Because texting L -M -A -O -O -O was
more important than watching the road.

53
00:03:04,690 --> 00:03:06,470
FYI, you also hit a horse. Oh, Gregory.

54
00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:08,130
Put this on.

55
00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:16,830
Suddenly, I'm sailing, and Gerald is a
baby strapped to the mast, and the

56
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:17,649
won't work.

57
00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:21,630
Boring! No dream talking to teacher's
lounge, Barb. Yeah, this is where dreams

58
00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:22,630
go to die.

59
00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:25,330
Certainly didn't expect this news today.

60
00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:26,770
Okay, well, hold on now.

61
00:03:27,210 --> 00:03:28,650
Babies mean rebirth.

62
00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:32,670
So, am I at a rebirth? Is Gerald at a
rebirth?

63
00:03:32,870 --> 00:03:34,150
Or do we need a new car?

64
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:36,790
Happy birthday to you.

65
00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:41,710
Happy birthday to you. It's no one's
birthday. I just needed your attention.

66
00:03:41,870 --> 00:03:42,870
Look at this.

67
00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:45,930
Hiya. I'm Tina Schwartz, running for
West Philly...

68
00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:49,100
51st District Board of School
Commissioners Liason Representative.

69
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,920
What's Liason? It's liaison. She doesn't
even know the position's name. Wait a

70
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,860
minute. Isn't that that former Abbott
teacher that kicked a student? Exactly.

71
00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:01,540
I'm Tina Schwartz, and I approve of your
approval for this message.

72
00:04:02,890 --> 00:04:04,470
She's completely unqualified.

73
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:08,790
I mean, can you believe this? No, I
can't. How'd you find something I care

74
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,890
less about than Barb's dream?

75
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:13,090
Barb, Melissa, care to weigh in on this
miscarriage of democracy?

76
00:04:13,530 --> 00:04:17,829
Jacob, I have never even heard of the
board of the commissioners of whatever

77
00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:22,029
heck it is. It's 51st District, which is
exactly us and three other schools.

78
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:24,110
No one cares about this position, hon.

79
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:28,610
Well, Mr. J, it looks like it's up to us
to stop this villain -ass takeover. No

80
00:04:28,610 --> 00:04:30,170
time for our usual shenanigans, Jacob.

81
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:33,120
Gregory drove his car into a horse, and
I got a sub.

82
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,260
Janine will know what to do. Oh, but
she's in mourning.

83
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:38,760
Oh, wait, but that's not real.

84
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:44,300
That's a great question. If I had to put
it into words, I'd probably say...

85
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:50,920
Okay, if you don't get up there and
start your

86
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,320
presentation, I'm gonna set myself on
fire.

87
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,640
Please don't. This school is so
flammable.

88
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:59,780
Plus, it wouldn't reflect very well on
the Philadelphia Fire Department's

89
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:00,780
battalion chief.

90
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,080
Newest what now?

91
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:06,480
Getting a promotion I found out this
morning. Won't be official until the

92
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:11,060
swearing -in, but if you wanted to start
calling me Chief Robinson, yeah, that'd

93
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:14,380
turn me on quite a bit. So you're going
to be in a suit?

94
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:17,440
Well, no, it's a tucked -in shirt, but
on Fridays I can go Hawaiian.

95
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:21,820
No more climbing ladders to pull kitties
out of trees, right? Cats get

96
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,120
themselves into those messes, they can
get themselves out.

97
00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:28,310
So I thought to celebrate, I'd get a
bottle of champagne and reactivate my

98
00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:32,850
Max account for the month. Yeah, no,
that sounds great. All right. Yeah.

99
00:05:34,470 --> 00:05:36,450
That's what Molly felt like the first
time?

100
00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:43,270
Every time after that, though, it's
been... I better get up there. Okay,

101
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,250
thank you, Slemethy.

102
00:05:45,550 --> 00:05:49,070
Yeah, for that, thank you. It's good to
know we finally won the war on drugs.

103
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:52,390
Okay, everybody, take out your homework.
We're going to go over the stuff that

104
00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:53,390
we were talking about.

105
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,520
Why are you talking?

106
00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:55,700
You killed a horse.

107
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,160
All right, class.

108
00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:00,900
Now that Mr. Eddie is Mr. Daddy, Mr.
Johnson will be taking over.

109
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,520
Ava, I think that's... Mr.

110
00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:04,300
Eddie is breaking the rules.

111
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,820
Now, I hate to speak ill of the
deceased, but everything Dadger Brony

112
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:10,120
teaching you is trash.

113
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:11,719
All right, class.

114
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:12,720
You're a good hand.

115
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,720
Jean! Yeah?

116
00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:18,000
Did you see that campaign video I sent?

117
00:06:18,220 --> 00:06:19,300
Yes. Got my vote.

118
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:20,780
What? Did you even click the link?

119
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,270
No. Well, that maniac Tina Schwartz is
running for district leader.

120
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:27,070
Look, look at her Facebook post about
it. Oh, my God.

121
00:06:27,310 --> 00:06:29,250
She is still updating her status. What
does it go?

122
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:30,470
Yeah, but look at her platform.

123
00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:32,750
She thinks we don't need a consensus
clause.

124
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:36,230
What the hell is that? I think I know.

125
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:40,910
Well, look, it says she's hosting a town
hall over lunch. Maybe you could go.

126
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,190
Oh, my God, yes.

127
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:45,810
All I have to do is inform the
electorate of her incompetence and her

128
00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:46,810
will sink itself.

129
00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:47,890
Whew, okay.

130
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,990
I feel better already.

131
00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:50,890
Democracy has never been more alive.

132
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:55,800
Thanks, guys.

133
00:06:57,260 --> 00:07:03,040
Okay. Yes. Quick follow -up. What does
it mean in a dream if you are on fire

134
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,040
cold?

135
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,880
Sorry, Barb, you're on your own.

136
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,440
Hey there, honey bear.

137
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,660
Hey, I gotta go to the next
presentation, but how about I grill us

138
00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:11,760
steaks to go with our bubbly time?

139
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,860
Oh, are you sure you're still allowed
that close to an open flame?

140
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:16,320
Well, I can tell you this much.

141
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:18,880
Captain Robinson grilled flank steaks.

142
00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:20,260
Chief Robinson...

143
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:24,200
Grills ribeyes. Oh, what time should
Gerald and I join you?

144
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:26,220
Okay, just kidding.

145
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,160
Barb, I'd invite you.

146
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,480
Let me know.

147
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,960
Melissa, that man is a treasure.

148
00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:38,320
He's got star power, safety know -how,
and he is absolutely smitten with you.

149
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,500
Yeah, I'm gonna dump him.

150
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,020
Okay, you're gonna dump who exactly?

151
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,760
Because I know it's not that fine
fireman who was in love with you.

152
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,260
Barb, he got that promotion.

153
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,180
He's basically gonna be a fire
accountant.

154
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:57,180
Melissa, you can't really be upset at
the man for getting a promotion.

155
00:07:57,620 --> 00:08:01,640
No, I'm happy for him, but what's he
gonna do? He's gonna sit at a desk, do a

156
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,400
bunch of paperwork, teach people?

157
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,280
The hell kind of life is that?

158
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:06,520
Okay.

159
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:11,640
Before you extinguish that fire, you
better make sure it's dying down the way

160
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,640
you think.

161
00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:13,909
Come on.

162
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,250
Talk to the man.

163
00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:17,530
You two have been together a long time.

164
00:08:18,370 --> 00:08:22,410
Yeah, you're right. I own that. That's
good advice. Thanks, Barb. You're

165
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:25,190
welcome. A coyote gave it to me in a
dream.

166
00:08:25,870 --> 00:08:27,570
All right, class.

167
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:31,150
Oh, whoa.

168
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:35,570
Hey, Jacob Hill from Abbott. Oh, wow.

169
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:37,210
Gosh.

170
00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:40,210
Oh, good to see you. Have a cookie.
Heck.

171
00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:44,070
Take a couple. I took them from our
break room. They're from Monday.

172
00:08:44,570 --> 00:08:45,489
It's Friday.

173
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:49,970
It is. Where is everybody? Why aren't
issues being discussed and or debated?

174
00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:55,510
Since I'm running unopposed, this is
technically a formality. Or, no,

175
00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:58,250
technicality. Well, if you don't mind, I
have a few questions about your

176
00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,290
platform. Platform?

177
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:01,370
Making me sound like an influencer?

178
00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:03,290
Yes. Okay.

179
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,980
What are your election questions?

180
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,760
What is your stance on the consensus
clause?

181
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,780
The Tim Allen movie?

182
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,020
I'm not really into body horror.

183
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:16,460
What do you think about the current
student -to -crossing guard ratio?

184
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:17,860
That's a trick question.

185
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,280
I don't see ratio.

186
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:25,140
Okay, and just one more. Do you even
know what the 51st District Board of

187
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,140
Commissioners Liaison Representative
even does?

188
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,040
And how are you pronouncing that?

189
00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:32,340
Why are you even running for this? It
seems like you don't care about it at

190
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,760
All my friends have kids now, so I need
something to fill my time.

191
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,960
This was fun, you little girl master. If
no one else in the audience has any

192
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:45,400
questions, though, then I think it's a
pretty good time to call it. Lots to

193
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,400
think about.

194
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,900
It's great to see you.

195
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,300
Vote for me.

196
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,580
I'm not going to lie to you. None of
your names have great SEO.

197
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,140
Knock, knock.

198
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:04,219
Howdy, y 'all.

199
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:08,960
I know this class has been through a lot
today, so are we ready to talk about

200
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,680
how improv can solve everything?

201
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,260
Hey, Gregory, I need to talk to you.
It's very important.

202
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:21,120
Okay, settle a debate me and the second
graders are having. Would you rather be

203
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,280
a normal human being or you have
superpowers but you always have to go to

204
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,120
bathroom? The kids are saying that.
Random reminder.

205
00:10:28,970 --> 00:10:32,650
is strictly off limits today because of
the bad choices he made. Thank you.

206
00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:36,070
I thought she said she took the cameras
out of you. She's right. Stop talking to

207
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,070
him. Sorry.

208
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:40,730
Mr.

209
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:43,490
Eddie, what happens when people die for
real?

210
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:48,470
Okay.

211
00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:56,890
Yeah, I'm actually not mad at this. I
don't have to answer any wild questions

212
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:01,480
from the kids. I mean, Where was safety
day when Mira asked me what a BBL was?

213
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,080
Right on.

214
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:09,720
I went to Tina Schwartz's town hall. She
wasn't prepared for a single question.

215
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:13,320
Tell me, when you picture the 51st
District Board of School Commissioner's

216
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,940
liaison representative, do you picture
her?

217
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,320
Right. You can't talk.

218
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,240
But you can listen.

219
00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:23,780
If someone would just run against her,
they would win. Easy.

220
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,040
My God, of course.

221
00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:32,810
Why can't I be the one who asks Janine
to run?

222
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,830
Great idea, Gregory.

223
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,790
Hey, while I've got you, settle in.

224
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:39,310
Elijah and I got into another fight
about ethical shrimping.

225
00:11:41,530 --> 00:11:43,390
This is actually so bad.

226
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:54,990
Hey, that's my little firecracker. Feels
like I barely see you all day. You

227
00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:56,370
hiding from me? What are you thinking?

228
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,590
This promotion.

229
00:11:57,790 --> 00:12:01,310
That's like something you want, that's a
done deal, or... Do you not want me to

230
00:12:01,310 --> 00:12:01,949
be promoted?

231
00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:06,530
No, I'm just... You have such a good
thing going now. Like, you really,

232
00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:07,530
helping people.

233
00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:13,390
And you ride around the greatest city in
the world on top of 50 ,000 pounds of

234
00:12:13,390 --> 00:12:15,090
shiny red metal.

235
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:18,610
Swingin' axe, haulin' hose.

236
00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:19,910
Be careful, there's kids here.

237
00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:23,390
I'm just saying, why would you want to
give that up? For what?

238
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:25,310
For signing paychecks? Shh!

239
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,820
That is a very small part of the job.
I'm going to be assisting in organizing

240
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:37,080
the city's emergency response teams. Are
you listening to yourself?

241
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,200
You want to be an assistant organizer?

242
00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:42,800
Why would you want that? The danger
would be gone.

243
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,880
Yeah, exactly. Would you prefer I kept a
more dangerous, lower -paying job with

244
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:47,759
worse hours?

245
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,659
Of course!

246
00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:50,440
Y 'all, this is a library.

247
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:53,440
I shouldn't have to tell this to a
teacher and a fireman.

248
00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:59,670
I really thought you'd be happy about
this. I'm not sure what the problem is.

249
00:12:59,770 --> 00:13:05,130
The problem is that I didn't sign up to
be with a desk jockey.

250
00:13:06,650 --> 00:13:08,390
Come on, my class. Let's go.

251
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:15,870
Hey,

252
00:13:18,950 --> 00:13:19,970
Ava. How's your day?

253
00:13:20,490 --> 00:13:24,280
Fine. Well, that's a relief because I'm
having such a hard time not talking to

254
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:28,780
Gregory. We normally check in with each
other throughout the day, but now I have

255
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:30,520
no idea if he enjoyed his lunch or not.

256
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:36,780
I also asked him a really hard would you
rather. I have no idea would you

257
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:40,080
rather. It really goes to show you, you
know, one day you're driving, and the

258
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,080
next day you hit a horse.

259
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,100
Hold that thought.

260
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,460
Tragic news, Abbott Elementary.

261
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:45,340
Another safety day accident.

262
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,060
Miss Teagues was texting and driving in
her car caught on fire while on the way

263
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,920
to improv, and now she's gone.

264
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:52,900
No, kids, I'm here and I'm alive.

265
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,100
She was also doing drugs. Those were her
last words.

266
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:57,300
Hey.

267
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,300
How'd the talk go with Captain Robinson?

268
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,060
I don't think he gets why I don't want
him to take the promotion.

269
00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:08,040
Honestly, neither do I.

270
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:11,900
Captain Robinson getting this promotion
doesn't seem like it would change your

271
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:12,719
life at all.

272
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,780
Maybe not directly, but Barb, what if he
wants me to slow down?

273
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,480
Because that ain't happening, Barb. I've
lived a life of craziness, and that

274
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,200
crazy ain't stopping anytime soon.

275
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,540
And what about your lifestyle is going
to change because of this man's

276
00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:26,540
promotion?

277
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,820
He's not going to smell like burning
buildings anymore.

278
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,140
Should I get him to start smoking?

279
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:37,260
Melissa, it seems to me that you are
more concerned about your own future

280
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:38,260
you are his.

281
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,660
Maybe. Mm -hmm.

282
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,760
And now that I've helped you, it's your
turn to help me.

283
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:50,440
Why would I be dreaming of a volcano
filled with milk barbed at the sex tree?

284
00:14:52,060 --> 00:14:57,980
But... Gang, gang, chat's low -key going
off right now. Smile, Holmes. It's

285
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:58,980
filthy time.

286
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,480
Hey, freeze.

287
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:07,360
Okay, now using what we learned today,
who spotted how my bro Harold messed up?

288
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:08,860
Anyone?

289
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:13,080
Janine. Come on, y 'all. Just the
champion the 51st District's been

290
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,120
Gregory and I had an amazing convo
earlier, and we think that you should

291
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,220
challenge Miss Schwartz for office.

292
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,360
Why not?

293
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:23,800
Look, I know you are not the hero we
deserve, but you are the hero we need.

294
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:29,910
No talking!

295
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:36,810
Now, you were saying fire is bad, even
though something that is fire is really

296
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,810
good?

297
00:15:38,590 --> 00:15:39,590
Say more.

298
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,190
I don't know how I would.

299
00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:46,670
Ava, please revive my friends. No. They
made the choice to text and drive.

300
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,530
They were probably texting you.

301
00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:51,830
Okay, you joke, but now I'm going to
have to process that hypothetical guilt.

302
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,810
As 51st District members, what are we
going to do?

303
00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:55,849
I mean...

304
00:15:55,850 --> 00:15:58,490
Can you imagine the damage that could
happen if we let an unqualified lunatic

305
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,690
into a position of power?

306
00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:02,650
Well, it's working out okay for this
school.

307
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,550
Other places, not so much. Somebody's
got to challenge her.

308
00:16:06,410 --> 00:16:07,410
Why don't you do it?

309
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:11,330
Wait, are you mocking me, or do you
really think I could do it?

310
00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:13,389
Do what?

311
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:16,350
Uh -huh. You test my resolve, but maybe
it could be me.

312
00:16:16,790 --> 00:16:20,510
I mean, I do prefer grassroots,
localized elections over state, and

313
00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:21,750
say it, even federal politics.

314
00:16:21,970 --> 00:16:22,970
Okay.

315
00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:24,210
I'm gonna do it.

316
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,260
I have a campaign video to record.

317
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,180
Fellow teachers of the 51st District, my
name is Jacob Hill, and I am asking for

318
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:35,460
your vote for District Board of School
Commissioner's Liaison Representative.

319
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,240
If little Jacob could see me now, he
would be thrilled.

320
00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:43,320
And then he'd be like, we're gay? Do we
have a boyfriend?

321
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,740
Is he hot? Tell me everything.

322
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,840
And I'd be like, oh my God, he's hot.
You have no idea how hot he is. So

323
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:49,960
a long way of saying no.

324
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,380
Tech thing while doing drugs isn't
technically illegal?

325
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,220
Well, the drugs part absolutely is.

326
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:59,140
In fact, and I know this isn't my
section... Where have you been, Janine?

327
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,980
been looking for somebody, anybody to
help me with my dreams.

328
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:08,040
Okay, so now, what does it mean if your
teeth are falling out of my mouth?

329
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,940
Well, first of all... Ladies, please,
I'm trying to do something here.

330
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:17,400
Why don't you go sit with the other
irresponsible teacher in the back?

331
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,320
is random as hell. I have a friend who
died when a helicopter landed on his

332
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,560
head. Is it possible you maybe
hallucinated the situation while under

333
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,720
influence of drugs? No, I know what I
saw.

334
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:39,940
Yo, Captain.

335
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,100
Hey, come on.

336
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,140
Hey, hey, hey, slow down, slow down.

337
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,360
Who, me? Yeah.

338
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,120
They thought me slowing down was
creeping you up, Melissa.

339
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,560
Listen, I'm sorry I was weird about the
promotion, okay?

340
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:55,260
It's just, you and me, we're fine.

341
00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,440
I never know what we're gonna get up to
next.

342
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,180
That's what I love about us.

343
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,880
You know, I just... I don't want that to
change.

344
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,040
My crazy ass ain't changing.

345
00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:07,880
It's just gonna be in a better chair.

346
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:09,740
Making more money.

347
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,640
And I was thinking about blowing on a
Harley.

348
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,860
Really? Yeah, really. What do you think
this is for? Oh, yeah, okay. Hell yeah.

349
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:20,100
I look great taking my helmet off. You
look great doing everything.

350
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:24,240
Congratulations on your promotion.

351
00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:26,680
I'm really proud of you.

352
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,880
I should have left with that.

353
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:30,800
Chief.

354
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,200
You're nuts, you know that.

355
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:36,840
Yeah, now you're getting it.

356
00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:43,920
Eventually, I am flying over what seems
to be the Divine Lorraine building, but

357
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,860
different. And then I wake up.

358
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,240
You said flying?

359
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,240
Yes. Yeah, that sounds like a little
more to melatonin. Yeah, but I thought

360
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:55,140
with your studies in hallucinations that
you might be able to help me understand

361
00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:56,140
what it means.

362
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,720
I actually got to go.

363
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,820
I got somewhere to be at 420, so... Miss
Howard, you were flying?

364
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:06,020
Yes, in a dream, which is something that
nobody wants to hear about.

365
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,360
We want to hear about it.

366
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:08,860
Really?

367
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:12,340
Okay, let me set the scene.

368
00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:20,340
So, I am free -falling and have been for
20, 30 minutes, and I

369
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:21,340
don't know what it means.

370
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,300
Maybe you're worried you're going to
fall off the bed.

371
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:30,850
Cannot run another one by you.

372
00:19:31,430 --> 00:19:33,990
Circles and X's, they're probably going
to know things.

373
00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:35,530
Oh, no.

374
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:38,790
Swart? What did you want to know at
conservatorship? Not anymore.

375
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:42,810
I came down because I saw that campaign
video that you posted on the district

376
00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:46,750
website, and I just wanted to tell you
that you screwed up because it says that

377
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:50,390
you're running for that thing that I'm
running for. Well, the only thing

378
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,850
up is your election chances.

379
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:56,230
I am running against you for 51st
District Board of School Commissioners

380
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:57,430
Representative. Ew.

381
00:19:57,650 --> 00:19:58,650
Who told you to do that?

382
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,100
Good for you, Jacob.

383
00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:04,000
Hey, why?

384
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,540
Because you are completely unqualified
for the position.

385
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:08,900
Who cares?

386
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,540
Me. And I cannot in good conscience let
you take that seat without a fair fight.

387
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:16,760
Well, then good luck, chump.

388
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,360
Because I always get into fight at the
fair.

389
00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:26,260
She looks great.

390
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:28,940
Getting out of this school was the best
thing that ever happened to her.

391
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,120
Jacob, I'm very proud of you.

392
00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:34,700
Even though, sweetheart, I have no idea
what that position is.

393
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:37,400
Where have you been all day? He's
running for mayor of Area 51.

394
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,620
He's probably going to be assassinated
for it.

395
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:40,860
Okay. Okay.

396
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:50,480
All right, done for the day. I can get
those

397
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,800
pennies back and you can talk now.

398
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,140
Not that you ever stopped.

399
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,280
Actually, I think we're okay being
silent.

400
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:57,249
Oh, damn.

401
00:20:57,250 --> 00:21:00,270
OK, I've been waiting to answer that
would you rather all day. If I had to go

402
00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:03,370
the bathroom all the time, but I was a
superhero, one, how badly do I need to

403
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:05,230
go? And two, is it number one or number
two?

404
00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:08,030
Uh, hmm. Also, you've been wearing
mismatched socks.

405
00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:09,390
Oh, no. Those were on purpose.

406
00:21:10,430 --> 00:21:11,409
Oh, my goodness.

407
00:21:11,410 --> 00:21:12,410
These are the wrong socks.

408
00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:14,090
You still here?

409
00:21:14,230 --> 00:21:15,670
I just need to get the other.

410
00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:19,170
Wow.

411
00:21:19,990 --> 00:21:22,490
OK, number one, but with the threat of
two.

412
00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:23,910
I've been there.